Mesec je i večeras izvojevao pobedu nad beogradskim smogom. Eno ga, probio se. Osilio se i zagrlio BIGZ kao da ovaj ne bazdi na znoj svih izgubljenih duša, otetih i otrgnutih od svojih masnokosih vlasnika. Još jedna pobeda kapitalizma. Od kad smo prodali svu zemlju i vazduh, ostalo nam je samo podzemlje.
I mesec. Da mu se divimo...

Iscepkao je onih par oblaka i uokvirio ih konturama, vrlo detaljno i posvećeno. Kao kad ulični umetnici rade legalni mural. Instagram je još jednom usijan od neuspelih pokušaja, jeftinih kamera skupih telefona, da se dočara njegova veličanstvenost. Ali tu je... Žuti se u svom svom sjaju. Ne treba mu ni tehnička ni filter podrška. Odrastao čovek je sačinjen od 60 do 70% vode. Interesantan je podatak da je odnos vode i kopna na planeti Zemlji isto tako nešto u korist vode. Naravno, svi znamo za plimu i oseku i šta je Mesec u stanju da uradi sa vodom na Zemlji.

Pa možete li da zamislite onda šta je ovaj satelit u stanju da uradi sa ljudskim telom?!

Verovatno ništa. 

I navedene činjenice verovatno apsolutno nemaju veze jedna sa drugom, osim ako niste redovni čitalac Blic Žene.

Ali, objasnite to jednom vukodlaku... 

Tonight, the moon won the victory over the Belgrade smog. There he is, breaking through. He strengthened himself and hugged BIGZ as if he was not basking in the sweat of all lost souls, abducted and torn from their fat owners. Another victory of capitalism. Since we sold all the land and air, we have only the underground left. And the moon. Let's admire him ...

He tore up those few clouds and framed them with contours, in great detail and dedication. Like a street artists making a legal mural. Instagram is once again heated by failed attempts, by cheap cameras of expensive phones, to portray its magnificence. But there it is…Yellow in all its perfection. It needs neither technical nor filter support. An adult human is made up of 60 to 70% water. It is an interesting fact that the relationship between water and land on the planet Earth is also something in favor of water. Of course, we all know about the tides and what the Moon is able to do with the water on Earth.

So can you imagine then what this satellite is able to do with the human body?!

Probably nothing.

And the stated facts probably have absolutely nothing to do with each other, unless you are a regular reader of Blic Women (local newspaper).

But explain that to a werewolf...

Noć je, kako to obično biva u Dušanovom rasporedu, još jednom uspela da preskoči dan.  Nikako nije voleo svetlost dana. Bar ne u poslednje vreme.  Ljudi su ga plašili i podsećali su ga na ono vreme kada je imao ženu, posao, radno vreme i karijeru kojoj se divi prosečan obožavalac dokumentarca "Tajna".  Fokus, samoinicijativa i karakter bili su sveto trojstvo. Formula za uspeh koju je ponavljao u sebi, pred podređenim, ali i ravnopravnim kolegama, i u opisima svojih fotografija na društvenim mrežama. Novac u rukama.

Prošlo je već malo više od decenije od navršenog mastera. Visokoplaćen posao u struci je bio logičan sled okolnosti za tako snalažljivog studenta. 

Ali... 

Beli zubi, sređeni nokti na šakama, mišićave grudi koje napinju dugmiće savršeno ispeglane košulje sada su prošlost. Promašena suština.

Taj svet je laž i on nije više želeo da bude njegov deo! Otkaz je dao glasno. 

The night, as it usually happens in Dušan's schedule, once again managed to skip the day. He didn't like the light of day at all. At least not lately. People scared him and reminded him of the time when he had a wife, a job, working hours and a career that the average fan of the documentary “The Secret" admires. Focus, self-initiative and character were the holy trinity. The formula for success that he repeated in himself, in front of subordinates, but also equal colleagues, and in the descriptions of his photos on social networks. Money in hand.

It has been a little over a decade since the master was completed. A high-paying job in the profession was a logical sequence of circumstances for such a resourceful student.

But...

White teeth, trimmed fingernails, muscular breasts that tighten the buttons of a perfectly ironed shirt are now a thing of the past. Missed essence.

That world is a lie and he no longer wanted to be a part of it! He quit loudly.

Ideja je bila jednostavna...

Zalupiće vrata firme, sa stilom, oglasiće na sva zvona, pokupiće pažnju i tako popularan, nastaviće da radi ono što je oduvek želeo... 

Biće motivacioni govornik i putovaće svetom! Uostalom, pogledao je više nego dovoljno TED konferencija da bi vizija zvučala bez smisla. Terapije samospoznaje kod šamana su ga naučile da su sve vrednosti koje je poznavao do tog trenutka bile nametnute.  Putovaće, zarađivaće od onoga što istinski voli, biće uzor svima koji trpe svakodnevne torture, pritiske i tenzije. Motivisaće sve demotivisane, prigrliće izgubljene! Progledaće duhom oni koji su duhom i oslepeli na putu do sreće. 

Niko više neće morati da trpi frustracije nadređenih, niko više neće morati da radi zarad ostvarenja nečijih ciljeva!

The idea was simple ...

He will slam the doors of the company, with style, he will ring all the bells, he will get attention and so popular, he will continue to do what he has always wanted ...

He will be a motivational speaker and will travel the world! After all, he watched more than enough TED conferences to make the vision sound pointless. The shaman's self-awareness therapies taught him that all the values ​​he knew up to that point had been imposed. He will travel, he will earn from what he truly loves, he will be a role model for everyone who suffers from daily tortures, pressures and tensions. It will motivate all the demotivated, it will embrace the lost! Those who are blind in spirit on the path to happiness will see with their spirit.

No one will have to suffer the frustrations of their superiors anymore, no one will have to work anymore to achieve someone's goals!

Ipak... Dušan je izgleda bio jak samo sa ispunjavanjem tuđih očekivanja. Vukao je to prokletstvo podrazumevanih uspeha još od dede, čuvenog beogradskog advokata. Ovaj put, sa svojom idejom, nabasao je na kritike većine okruženja, a sa svakom sumnjom tonuo je sve niže u propast. Izgleda da je podsvesni strah od poraza bio jači od želje za pobedom. U bitke za ispunjenje svojih snova išao je nenaoružan. Tuđi ideali su mu mnogo bolje stajali.

Prvo ga je ostavila žena. 

Sirota Ines nije mogla da se pomiri sa činjenicom da neko tako sebično razmišlja. Da neko uopšte može da pomisli da u tim godinama ne zasniva porodicu i ne zida temelj materijalne sigurnosti, već da naprasno odluči da putuje?! Da motiviše druge?!

However ... Dušan seemed to be strong only by fulfilling other people's expectations. He drew that curse of implied success from his grandfather, a famous Belgrade lawyer. This time, with his idea, he encountered criticism from most of his environment, and with every doubt he sank lower and lower into ruin. It seems that the subconscious fear of defeat was stronger than the desire to win. He went into battle to fulfill his dreams unarmed. Other people's ideals suited him much better.

He was left by his wife first.

Poor Ines could not come to terms with the fact that someone was thinking so selfishly. That anyone can even think that in those years he does not start a family and does not build the foundation of material security, but to decide to travel in vain?! To motivate others ?!

...
Dušan je još kao mali osećao sjedinjenost sa prirodom. Osećao je da pripada tamo negde, u šumi, među maglom i oblacima, na nekoj planini.  U kombinaciji sa visokostrastvenim obožavanjem stripova - hobi koji je pokupio od ujaka, i svojim kasnijim šamanskim terapijama, još je više bio ubeđen da je u prethodnom životu bio divlja životinja. I to ne bilo koja. Vuk! Često je sebe zamišljao kako se šunja u visokoj travi, između borova, raširenih nozdrva na vetru, udišući molekule slobode.

Naučio je već da je sloboda u ljudskom obliku mač sa dve oštrice.

U ovoj, večeri punog meseca, nešto je manje mrzeo sebe nego prethodnih dana. Uprkos atmosferi mraka i smrada cigareta, ustajalog znoja i alkohola, tišina ga nije žuljala kao i inače.  Nešto se čudno dešavalo. Znao je da to ne može biti od viskija. Njegovo telo je previše naviklo na jeftine viskije. Američki filmovi i muzika iz vremena oko pretposlednjeg bombardovanja Beograda koje je svakodnevno slušao su oblikovali i njegov ukus za piće. Krvno poreklo i ljuta domaća nisu imali puno šanse naspram hladnog Irskog.

Dušan se osećao drugačje.

...
Dusan felt united with nature as a child. He felt that he belonged somewhere, in the woods, among the fog and clouds, on a mountain. Combined with a passionate adoration of comics - a hobby he picked up from his uncle, and his later shamanic therapies, he was even more convinced that he had been a wild animal in a previous life. And not just any. Wolf! He often imagined himself sneaking in the tall grass, between the pines, his nostrils spread in the wind, inhaling the molecules of freedom.

He has already learned that freedom in human form is a double-edged sword.

On this full moon evening, he hated himself a little less than the previous days. Despite the atmosphere of darkness and the stench of cigarettes, stale sweat and alcohol, the silence did not sting him as usual. Something strange was happening. He knew it couldn't be whiskey. His body is too used to cheap whiskeys. American films and music from the time around the penultimate bombing of Belgrade, which he listened to every day, also shaped his taste for drinks. The blood origin and the angry home did not have much of a chance compared to the cold Irish.

Dusan felt different.

Pa i nije tako loše. Ne mora svako veče sam sebi da bude neprijatelj. Usamljen je, pa šta! Oduvek je to želeo. Pijan je. Pa šta?! To bar nije ništa novo. Večeras nije tužan. Večeras je baš onako... Kako treba. Osećaj nekog čudnog spokoja. U koktelu gorčine i pijanstva, ne ubrza se um uvek do beskonačnosti tako da u njemu nema ništa. Nekad, ali samo nekad, um se ubrza do tačke kad sve ima toliko smisla da ništa nema smisla.

Sve je jasno. Sve se može objasniti racionalno. I sve je sranje. Nema slobode u gradu! Nema slobode u ljudskom telu!

Do momenta do kojeg mu seže sećanje, nije postao ništa od onoga što je želeo da bude kada odraste. Najteže je priznati greške koje je nemoguće ispraviti.

Well, it's not that bad. He doesn't have to be his own enemy every night. He's lonely, so what! He always wanted that. He's drunk. So what?! At least that's nothing new. He's not sad tonight. Tonight is just like ... As it should be. A feeling of some strange serenity. In a cocktail of bitterness and drunkenness, the mind does not always accelerate to infinity, so there is nothing in it. Sometimes, but only sometimes, the mind accelerates to the point where everything makes so much sense that nothing makes sense.

Everything is clear. Everything can be explained rationally. And it's all bullshit. There is no freedom in the city! There is no freedom in the human body!

By the time his memory reaches him, he has become nothing of what he wanted to be when he grows up. The hardest part is admitting mistakes that are impossible to correct.

Večeras će se izdići iznad toga. Mora se izdići iznad svih i zaplesati sa Mesecom. Rešenje izgleda savršeno logično posmatrano iz perspektive stopala koja na pola balansiraju na ivici balkona šesnaestog sprata istočnih kapija Beograda.

Opšte je poznato da vukodlak možeš postati samo na noć punog meseca. Kako su ga stripovi naučili, transformacija iz ljudskog oblika može se postići samo  uz nenormalni nalet adrenalina. Jedinu prikladnu ploču za svoj ispraćaj u metamorfozu Dušan je pronašao uz njenu omiljenu pesmu... Pink Floyd - Shine On You Crazy Diamond. Najzad je blagi osmeh ispunio izmrcvareno lice nekada uspešnog računovođe. Vrlo dobro je proračunao... Izlaz ga je čekao negde na pola puta između razvezanih pertli omiljenih Starki i vrućeg Konjarničkog betona ispod. 

...
Komšije širom Konjarnika tvrdile su godinama nakon toga da nešto plaši njihove pse u noćima punog meseca.

Ali mi sa ove strane grada znamo da to nije Dušan.
Dušan nije voleo grad.

He'll rise above that tonight. He must rise above all and dance with the Moon. The solution looks perfectly logical from the perspective of the feet that balance in half on the edge of the balcony of the sixteenth floor of the eastern gates of Belgrade.

It is generally known that you can only become a werewolf on the night of a full moon. As comics have taught him, transformation from the human form can only be achieved with an abnormal rush of adrenaline. Dušan found the only suitable record for his farewell to the metamorphosis with her favorite song…Pink Floyd - Shine On You Crazy Diamond. Finally, a faint smile filled the emaciated face of the once successful accountant. He calculated very well…The way out was waiting for him somewhere halfway between the untied laces of his favorite Chucks and the hot Horseman's (Konjarnik) concrete below.

...
Neighbors across Konjarnik claimed years later that something scared their dogs on full moon nights.

But we on this side of the city know that it is not Dušan.
Dušan did not like the city.

Fotografija: Mateja Jovanović